Farewell To My 20's....

I'm 30 now. I repeat, I AM 30 now. It seems almost hard to believe. I never envisioned myself at this big age. I know people who as teenagers had a vision of themselves as a 30 year old, but I was never one of those people. For better or worse, I've always focused on what was directly in front of me. I don't have a five year plan, and I do not plan on ever having one. I've always been a bit more of a "what do I want to achieve by the end of this year?" person and focusing all my energy and resources into achieving that endgame. In a sense that makes milestones that I never envisioned a bit scary, because it is a new horizon for me that I did no planning for. BUT it's also what makes it exciting, and I'm excited to embrace this next stage of my life. I can already feel the subtle differences that have been brewing within me for a while.

Let me be clear, I'm the same person I was 7 hours ago. There's no switch that gets changed inside of you that makes you older, wiser, more mature, etc over the course of a night. The toiling was (or at least should have) done already throughout your 20's. I say that because I know firsthand how confusing that period of your life can be. You're getting so much thrown at you that you were not prepared for (we do a poor job in preparing kids for adulthood) on top of realizing that almost everything you learn from your birth through your teens were either lies, half truths, or just a lot more complex than originally painted. These things are deeply rooted within us and it is challenging to change our frame of thinking from all the concepts we were conditioned to believe. It gets better as long as you're able to keep advancing forward. I don't say that nonchalantly, because I'm aware how arduous progressing forward can be. You are going to fail so many times over and over, but that resiliency you gain is priceless as it will become one of your greatest strengths. Right now I feel more confident in myself than ever and it's partially because I grew from my failures and shortcomings. Everyone has fears they never want to come to fruition. I don't want to be pessimistic but a lot of things you dread will occur. That's also why I'm more confident in myself and my choices because once the things you feared happening to you actually happen, it changes how you think and removes some of that fear going forward (this isn't a blanket statement, I realize there are many instances where this might not apply). I was voted most likely to be a millionaire in high school (sorry for letting my New Bern High School Class of '07 folks down so far lol) and I put a lot of pressure on myself career wise to be successful. Not being hired, passed over for promotions, being unemployed or underemployed were all things I dreaded and despite my efforts all of those things came to be. It took a great deal of personal reflection and at times it affected how i viewed myself and leaked into my personal life . Ultimately it led me to being the person I am right now and all my toiling and anguish was not in vain.

People that know me know that sports have played an integral role in my life. I'll leave you all with this example. In 2011 vs the Mavericks, LeBron James had his greatest failure. He finally had a team that could be considered favorites, had other great players that were producing and individually he failed on the highest level. That was his biggest fear as an athlete and a lot of "experts" questioned his greatness, his heart (the worst for an athlete), and his ability to lead and ultimately win. Well 8 years later, there's legitimate debate of whether he's greater than Michael Jordan (BTW I'm with Jordan lol). He considers the Mavericks series a turning point for himself because after his worst professional fears came to be, there was nothing more for him to be fearful of. He turned that into his confidence, knowing that as long as he played his hardest he could live with the results. That fueled him to  milestone after milestone and now his name is mention with THE GOAT. It's not my intention to downplay what people have or will go through, and I'm well aware that everything cannot and will not be as "rosy" as this. BUT I do want people to know that as long as they believe in themselves and their loved ones (YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM IS EVERYTHING) and keep pushing forward everyday that amazing things will happen to you. Dream Big and don't get too down on yourself because you're not where you want to be at this exact moment. No one can predict how life will go, not even you. If your 20's are anything like mine and I have reasons to believe that it will be, you will question and doubt yourself and go through many obstacles. It's a transformative process and the beautiful butterfly or swan that you will be transformed to is waiting on the other end.

Me Over The Years

Why Women Hate Men Binge Liking Their Instagram Photos

There's a very effective way to annoy a woman, and you can do it rather quickly too. Go to her Instagram page and like as many pictures as possible in a short time period. Women hate when men do this, especially if they don't really know you. I have heard women mention that they have blocked guys for liking all their pictures, usually followed by some version of "Ewww he's too thirsty/annoying".  Let that sink in for a second. Guys have been blocked, simply for liking all of a woman's pictures on a social media platform designed exclusively for liking pictures. The irony of this phenomenon is not lost on me. I once had a "discussion" with a woman who got offended when I mentioned that blocking someone for liking pictures on Instagram (remember that is the sole purpose) is kind of ridiculous. I simply stated that you're not forced to follow this person back or interact with them, so how can them giving you more likes which she wanted (Let's just say she was a high-end Instagram user), get under her skin so much. Well I have my opinion, and I'm here to give it.

Women wield a certain amount of power on social media, and the more superficial the medium, the more control women have on it. Is there a social media more superficial than Instagram? I can't imagine it. It's the only social media that gets heavy usage despite not being very fun or entertaining. So how does this relate to women hating when men binge like their photos. It's quite simple actually, let's go back to the power women exercise on Instagram. Calling it power, may not be completely accurate. A more accurate description would be "perceived autonomy". In Self-Determination Theory of human motivation, perceived autonomy is an important element. Having control is not as important as thinking you're in control. Usually women's perceived autonomy would rank very high on Instagram. They have creative freedom (at least from what is socially acceptable and popular), and most of the times interactions are one-sided in their favor (following to followers ratio/Likes received vs likes given/etc). Men are simply objects of their amusement that they can usually manipulate through whatever they decide to post.

This changes when males binge like their photos, as it destroys that feeling of control for women. Instead of having creative freedom and controlling interactions, the woman is now being objectified (most likely sexually), and she is now an object of a male's amusement. When women post what men consider "thirst traps", they really believe it is genuine artwork (well some women not all). They had to capture the right angles, the right lighting, etc, but now instead of being viewed as art, it is being viewed simply as sexual attraction and stimulation by that male who mindlessly clicked on every picture without appreciating the art, aesthetics, and the core idea behind the picture. Now, instead of control, women feel as if they are back in our Patriarchal Society and resent that feeling. Their creative freedom has been seemingly turned into a meaningless man's sexual attraction. And because most think that men can't control their sexual urges, it has no significance. A woman who already is so sure that she is attractive gains nothing by men agreeing to it, especially at the price of her "perceived control".

Now I'm aware some could say I'm reaching too far, that binge liking is simply just thought of as being annoying. I'd be willing to believe that if it was a few isolated incidents, but that's not the case. Men binge liking pictures really bothers women. That's my opinion based on my observations and experiences, what is yours?

This is the result of binge liking