Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Nice Guys Don't Have to Finish Last

We're all familiar with the cliche that nice guys finish last, well at least when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. Well I'm here to tell all of my nice guy brethren that you don't have to finish last, but it does require a different approach. "Nice guys" aren't losing simply because they are nice guys, boring, or unattractive. They're losing because in their naivete, they believe human nature and either refuse or aren't very good at playing the powerful game of "Seduction" (I promise that word is as graphic as this blog gets lol). We hear about the "Art of Seduction" but most men, underestimate its importance.

You're probably wondering what does seduction have to do with anything, and the answer is EVERYTHING. Contrary to popular beliefs or stated opinions, people actually want to be seduced. That's where it gets difficult, as people want to be seduced without actually knowing that they are being seduced. Great seduction requires suggestion and not directly stating. Nice guys have been lied to and like anyone with any shred of decency would do, they pay close attention to women's Twitter rants and Instagram posts detailing what they desire in a significant other and relationship. Those traits such as loyalty, and understanding, aren't false per se, but it ignores the important process of actually obtaining their interest in the first place. That is where seduction comes into play.

As mentioned previously seduction is based on suggestion. Most "nice guys" make the mistake of telling a woman how they feel about them immediately. Sounds admirable, but is a recipe for failure. At that point, you've basically admitted to a woman that you intend on wooing her. Not only does this come across as unexciting, it affects the perception of all of your moves. As I stated before, no one wants to know that they are being seduced. They may have an idea of the seduction, but the moment you come out and tell them, you've lost. Now the perception of your "scheme" has changed from charming, perplexing, spontaneous (things women like), and now appears conniving, dishonest, and manipulative (things women don't like). While direct honesty sounds good in theory, it comes across as brash and unflattering, but of course we are never told that. Time for an example.

You go directly up to a woman, and state that you have strong feelings for her. You have just took the worst route in obtaining a woman's interest. Women want to feel as if they chose to like you, not that you coerced them into liking you. Depending on how bored she is, she may even entertain you with a date out of kindness. If you think that's what's happening, under no circumstance do you allow that date to happen. If it does, I can assure you that she will spend the entire time observing you and rationalizing why you aren't the person for her. You've already lost, that's why your seduction game is vital.

People can usually sense when they are being seduced, but they give in because they enjoy the feeling of being led along. There is a strange pleasure derived from letting go and allowing yourself to be led into an unfamiliar situation. You must not announce your intentions or reveal them directly in words, and instead must apply strategies of misdirection and dare I say "deception" to confuse your target. Feign romantic interest, then merely friendship, enjoy the company of other women, go to places you normally don't, and stop going to places that you always do. These actions are confusing, but they will also generate excitement. A woman wants to be led down a path of intrigue and even desires a certain amount of jealousy and confusion opposed to the boredom of security. Nice guys aren't told this. Why you ask? Because women are familiar with the power of seduction. They absolutely do not want men consciously wielding such power.

You probably want proof as to what I'm telling you is true. Well think about it, who seems to always get the girl? The assholes, the doucebags, and the arrogant and disinterested guys. Well it's not rocket science, those guys are naturally better at seduction and not necessarily intentionally either. Women often confuse those guys' disinterest or unpredictable behavior as a thrilling game of seduction, when it is really just disinterest (maybe not sexually but in them as a woman). That is the danger of the art of seduction, so be sure to protect yourself against it. The greatest seducers are disinterested people. All the misdirection strategies discussed in the previous paragraph, are their specialties. They are even better at it, because they are doing it genuinely.

Before you start this game, make sure that you are willing to finish. If you revert back to your natural instincts and confess your affection before you have someone completely smitten with you (at that point it wouldn't matter) it will backfire. No one wants to feel manipulated. All of your previous acts will now be resented. Everything that once seemed charming will now seem ugly.

There is a story about an aristocrat in 17th-century Paris that desired the affection of a countess. He was a "nice guy" that struggled with women. This aristocrat obtained the services of Ninon de Lenclos, the most infamous courtesan of 17th-century France, a woman who lovers had been the greatest writers, philosophers, and politicians of that time period. For comparison, it would be like receiving seduction advice from an older, wiser Marilyn Monroe. Well anyways, de Lenclos guided the aristocrat in obtaining the heart of the countess. Her strategies were very effective, and the countess began showing interest in the aristocrat (laughing more at his jokes, asking others about him, etc). The aristocrat could now see the finish line. Well one day the aristocrat was alone with the countess, and without his adviser he reverted back to his true form and immediately confessed his love for the woman. Surprised and shocked, she subtly recoiled from him and excused herself. He was confused. It's quite simple, all of his actions were now viewed differently. He had been manipulating her, quite well at that, and no one wants to embrace that thought. What was once intriguing as a game with moves now appeared as nothing more than an artless show of passion. The countess felt embarrassed and used. He never had a chance with her again. This reinforces the idea of not starting the process of seduction if you don't intend on following it through to the end. If the aristocrat had showed more patience, and made his move once she was caught in his web and smitten with him, the process would not have mattered.

Now remember this is all about BEFORE you actually get a woman's interest, once she is yours avoid playing games that can lead to confusion and jealousy. They invoke a much different reaction in a partner than a prospect. That is where the Instagram posts traits come in handy. As a nice guy you have nothing to worry about, as you could perform those duties with your eyes closed, it is the obtaining interest part that normally fails you. Now take this information and prosper.
Disclaimer: A portion of paragraph 5, and the story in paragraph 8 is paraphrased from the 3rd chapter of the book "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene. Great book, and worth a read.